Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
