she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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