her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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