I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
