Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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