I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
