I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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