he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
