Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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