Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I am morally bankrupt
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
