If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
