I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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