I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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