Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
