Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
