god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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