i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
