NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You made out with two different species that night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
