Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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