I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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