he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
