Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
