Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
