Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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