I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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