So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
