Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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