I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
