They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
