i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize