I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
