do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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