ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
