I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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