I will die if light touches me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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