i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
