The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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