My first STD was from a foam party
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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