I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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