She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
