It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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