Are we in a gay sports bar?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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