So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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