i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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