sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
