I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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