Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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