If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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