Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
