I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
