He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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