i think my tv is drunk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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