there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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