Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
