His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you never un-have a 4some
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
