he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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