guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize