I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
