From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My bed smells like the plague
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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