i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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