for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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