this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
