I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
