Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
