oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
