All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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